Fancy a chuckle?

Dr. Epstein was a renowned physician who earned his undergraduate, graduate, and medical degrees in his home town and then left for Manhattan, where he quickly rose to the top of his field.

Soon he was invited to deliver a significant paper, at a conference, coincidentally held in his home town. He walked on stage and placed his papers on the lectern, but they slid off onto the floor. As he bent over to retrieve them, at precisely the wrong instant, he inadvertently farted.

The microphone amplified his mistake resoundingly through the room and reverberated it down the hall.

He was quite embarrassed but somehow regained his composure just enough to deliver his paper. He ignored the resounding applause and raced out the stage door, never to be seen in his home town again.

Decades later, when his elderly mother was ill, he returned to visit her. He reserved a hotel room under the name of Levy and arrived under cover of darkness.

The desk clerk asked him, "Is this your first visit to our city, Mr. Levy?"

Dr. Epstein replied, "Well, young man, no, it isn't. I grew up here and received my education here, but then I moved away."

"Why haven't you visited?" asked the desk clerk.

"Actually, I did visit once, many years ago, but an embarrassing thing happened and since then I've been too ashamed to return."

The clerk consoled him. "Sir, while I don't have your life experience, one thing I have learned is that often what seems embarrassing to me isn't even remembered by others. I bet that's true of your incident too."

Dr. Epstein replied, "Son, I doubt that's the case with my incident."

"Was it a long time ago?"

"Yes, many years."

The clerk asked, "Was it before or after the Epstein Fart?"

 

We need an Irish gag:

Paddy is cleaning his rifle and accidentally shoots his wife. He dials 999 (911)

Paddy says, "It's my wife, I've accidentally shot her. I've killed her."

Operator, "Please calm down sir. Can you first make sure she really is dead?"
...
CLICK,BANG.

Paddy, "OK, done that, what next?

 

At the National Art Gallery in Edinburgh , a husband and wife were staring at a
> >>>>
> >>>> portrait that had them completely confused.
> >>>>
> >>>> The painting depicted 3 black men totally naked, sitting on a park bench.
> >>>>
> >>>> Two of the figures had black willies, but the one in the middle had a pink
> >>>>
> >>>> willy.
> >>>>
> >>>> The curator of the gallery realised that they were having trouble
> >>>>
> >>>> interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.
> >>>>
> >>>> He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual
> >>>>
> >>>> emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal
> >>>>
> >>>> society.'In fact', he pointed out, 'some serious critics believe that the pink willy
> >>>>
> >>>> also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay
> >>>>
> >>>> men in contemporary society'.
> >>>>
> >>>> After the curator left, a Scotsman approached the couple and said, Would you
> >>>>
> >>>> like to know what the painting is really about?'
> >>>>
> >>>> 'Why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the
> >>>>
> >>>> gallery?', asked the couple.
> >>>>
> >>>> 'Because I'm the bloke who painted the picture,' he replied.
> >>>>
> >>>> 'In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all. They're just three
> >>>>
> >>>> Scottish coal miners and the guy in the middle went
> >>>>
> >>>> home for lunch.'
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>

 

The train was quite crowded, and a U.S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well-dressed, middle-aged, French woman’s poodle.

The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?'

The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular. Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.'

The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog.

'Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired.'

She snorted, 'Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!'

This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out of the train window, and sat down.

The woman shrieked, 'Someone must defend my honour! This American should be put in his place!'

An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, 'Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing.

You hold the fork in the wrong hand.

You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road.

And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out of the window.'

 

Though it hurts me to say it, but the stereotype is spot on

 

A little boy caught his mom and dad having sex. After, he asked, "What were you and daddy doing?" The mom said, "We were baking a cake."

A few days later, the little boy asked his mom, "Were you and daddy baking a cake?" She said yes, and asked him how he knew. He answered, "Because I licked the frosting off the couch."

 

Sick

 

Dear Girls ...
No offence.

 

Eight-year-old Mohammad entered his classroom on the first day of school.
"What's your name?" asked the teacher.
"Mohammad," he replied.
"You're in Ireland now," replied the teacher, "so from now on you will be known as Mike."
Mohammad returned home after school.
"How was your day, Mohammad?" his mother asked.
"My name is no longer Mohammad. I'm in Ireland now and my name is Mike."
"What?" she said. "Are you ashamed of your name? Are you trying to dishonor your parents,
your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!" And his mother beat him.
Then she called his father, who beat him again.
The next day when Mohammad returned to school the teacher saw all of his bruises.
"What happened to you, Mike?" she asked.
"Well shortly after becoming Irish I was attacked by two foocking Arabs."

 

Aha, a few visuals for a change . . . .